Script Experiment: The Princess Bride
This week, I want to try my hand at rewriting a script from a movie itself. You know how it goes. Let's dive in!
The Princess Bride - The Battle of Wits
We are in a sunny grassy field. The black swordman (Westley) sits in front of a small man (Vizzini). Between both men a tablecloth is placed on the ground. On the tablecloth, we see a variety of food and drinks. A young woman sits next to the small man blindfold and hands tied (the Princess). Westley takes out a small bottle with a smile and presents it to Vizzini.
Westley: What you do not smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.
Vizzini grunts in approbation.
In silence, Westley takes to empty cups on the tablecloth, takes a quick glance at Vizzini and turns around. He turns back, one cup in each hand, the small bottle of iocane powder is nowhere to be seen. He then slowly places both cups back on the tablecloth one in front of him and the other in front of Vizzini - not before faking switching cups places.
Vizzini chuckles.
Westley (gesturing both cups and then to Vizzini): Alright. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right and who is dead?
Vizzini: But it's so simple.
Vizzini confidently points to Westley, his voice raises.
Vizzini: All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his ennemy's?
Westley stays silence with a rigid corner smile.
Vizzini with large hand gestures back and forth.
Vizzini: Now a clever man would put the poison into his own globet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool. You would have counted on it so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Westley: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini interrupts with a faster tempo than before.
Vizzini: Not remotely because iocane comes from Australia as everyone knows and Australia is entirely people with criminals and criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me so I could clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Westley imperceptly pauses before stating.
Westley: Truly you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini interrupts again.
Vizzini: Wait till I get going! [Pause, quieter now] Where was I?
Westley: Australia.
Vizzini's tone and speed pick back up a notch.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia! And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Westley, keeping his smile, but now a bit on the defensive.
Westley: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that! Wouldn't you?
Vizzini speaks at his fastest yet.
Vizzini: You've beaten my giant which means you're exceptionally strong so you could have put the poison in your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Westley: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Vizzini, again, with large hand gestures.
Vizzini: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!
Westley: Then make your choice.
Vizzini pointing behind Westley with a perplexed face.
Vizzini: I will and I choose - what in the world can that be?
Westley turns his back to Vizzini.
Westley: What? Where?
Vizzini switches both cups and then grunts quietly in satisfaction with himself.
Westley turns back, seemingly perplexed.
Westley: I don't see anything.
Vizzini: I could have sworn I saw something. I thought - no matter.
Vizzini chuckles.
Westley: What's so funny?
Vizzini waves off Westley's question and takes the glass in front of him, gesturing it to Westley.
Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass and you form yours.
Westley slowly takes his own cup. Without breaking eye contact, they both drink slowly, Westley first and Vizzini following. Vizzini chuckles.
Westley puts back his glass.
Westley: You guessed wrong.
Vizzini gesturing yet again to Westley.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong. That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ah ah! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
Vizzini loudly laughs in three bursts. The last is abruptly interrupted. Vizzini then falls to his right.
Westley slowly stands up and removes the blindfold on the Princess.
Princess: Who are you?
Westley: I am not one to be trifled with. That is all you ever need know.
Princess: To think all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Westley: They were both poisoned.
Westley raises the Princess up.
Westley: I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.
Westley and the Princess exit left.